An Ass-grabbing Free Duel Or Not
by EspecialSnowflake
Summary: Kaiba wants to duel Yami, but will it end (or rather start) well? Not really prideshipping. Rated for swearing.


They stood across one another. Mister Kaiba-I'm-the-best-at-everything-except-Duel-Monsters (although he doesn't admit the Duel Monsters part) had challenged Sir Yami-the-heart-of-the-cards-will-give-you-strength to a "now-or-never" duel, as he put it. According to him, the winner of this duel took the crown of King of Games, forever.

Of course, Yami didn't believe him. Kaiba said this sort of bullshit every time, and he always came back for more after he got his ass handed to him by Yami in every duel. Oh, that Kaiba, he just couldn't accept defeat.

The two had walked side by side on their way to the place they where now, where they'd duel. When they arrived there, Yami had been tempted to grab Kaiba's ass, just to see what kind of reaction he would get. Thankfully for Kaiba, Yami had decided against it and walked to stand at a good enough distance from Kaiba so the duel could take place.

So now they were about to start the duel, which would hopefully be ass-grabbing free. Decks were in duel disks, duel disk-holding arms were raised, wind was blowing for dramatic effect and both men – I mean, teens (although they _could_ pass off as men) – were in their usual dueling stance. You know, the one where they throw their hips forward but keep their shoulders back and their legs are so damn angled that if their knees bended they would fall.

Yami drew his hand. He usually let Kaiba go first just so he wouldn't be butthurt about going second, and there were also Kaiba's douche monologues delaying his turn, but if he drew his hand before the duel started he could at least study his hand while pretending to pay attention to Kaiba (if he noticed Yami was ignoring him he would also be butthurt about it). Anyway, a douche monologue was just what Kaiba was starting.

"Prepare yourself, Yuugi, for this is the duel where I will finally bring you to your knees in def–" his knees bended, yes, on their own, and he fell.

You see, Kaiba's legs were tired of being treated that way. Kaiba didn't use that position in everyday activities (like staring dramatically out his window at work or planning card game tournaments), but when he was dueling, his legs were pushed to their limits. Due to convoluted physics bullshit, they hurt quite a bit when he was standing in that stance. And you _don't_ argue with convoluted physics bullshit.

Right now you may be asking yourself: what about Yami's legs? He duels in the same stance as Kaiba, so wouldn't his legs hurt and be butthurt about it as well? Well, no. Yami at least made sure to treat his legs nicely after a duel. He took a warm, relaxing, spa-level bath, washing them carefully and lovingly and relieving all the pain and tension. Besides, Yami's a "hobbit" level shorty so his legs didn't suffer that much.

Now, Kaiba's legs, Kaiba's legs were long, slender and womany, so they hurt a lot when he dueled. One has to wonder how he endured it. And his legs were butthurt about that. Seto Kaiba levels of butthurt.

So they decided to get him back for it, and waited for an opportunity when he was being dramatic and handsome in his douche monologues and the wind was blowing strongly to make it even more dramatic, just so they could ruin it by bending their knees and causing him to fall into the ground. Which was today's case, and they put their plan to execution while our favorite CEO was monologuing.

Although I doubt "fall" was the right expression. Kaiba didn't just fall, he beautifully crashed into the ground with a horrified expression and an unmanly scream that was two octaves higher than his normal voice. The scream sounded more like a shriek, actually.

Yami was startled to see the very person who prided himself in his self control and shit collapse into the ground for no apparent reason. His first reaction was to shove his cards back into his deck in the duel disk and run to Kaiba to help him. He considered not helping him, but decided if he was near Kaiba it'd be easier to make fun of him, so he ran to Kaiba's side anyway.

"Wow, Kaiba, your scream there was so high-pitched it rivaled Pegasus'," Yami told Kaiba with a grin as he grabbed the still sprawled on the ground Kaiba by one arm and the waist. If looks could kill, Yami would be dead, because Kaiba was giving him such a death glare he wondered what Card Game Heaven was like (he already knew how Card Game Hell was, he even dated the Devil while he was there. Unfortunately, they worked better as friends, so Yami left).

"One more word and you're dead," Kaiba pretty much growled as Yami helped him up, since like every duel they had and everything they did, it took a long time. Kaiba didn't like being compared to Pegasus and his constant "Ooooh!"s.

Yami smirked as he finally finished helping Kaiba up. He knew it was now or never. He put his made-up-on-the-spot plan into action and grabbed Kaiba's ass tightly. He grinned at Kaiba's horrified/disgusted/something along those lines expression and let go.

"Did… did you just grab my ass?" Kaiba spat. No really, he spat. Saliva came out of his mouth. Don't ask why.

"I don't know, you tell me, Kaiba-boy." Yami was pretty obviously mocking him, but I don't need to point that out to you - oh shit, I just did. Anyway, while Yami spoke, he turned around, a hand on his waist, still looking at Kaiba.

"Are you gay for me?" Kaiba blinked and narrowed his eyes, finding it to be the only conclusion possible. Yami's tone was something like the tone Pegasus always used – downright girly. Yami smirked. He spoke with the same tone, but his voice was a little more low pitched than his normal voice, if that's even possible, seriously it's fucking deep:

"Bitch I might be." Yami then walked back to the spot where he was about to start pretending to pay attention to Kaiba's douche monologue, being sure to sway his hips a lot while he did so.

So, yeah, it wasn't an ass-grabbing free duel after all. Poor Kaiba.

* * *

A.N: And this, muchachos, is how you write shameless random comedy.


End file.
